I Am Octavia
by BemnalTheFallen
Summary: Sequel to I Am Fluttershy. Hello there. You'd think that a simple pony like me has a simple life's story right? More or less; most ponies DO have bucked up lives. Where to start? Well, I'm a transy for one thing, a mare trapped in a stallion's body. I married my cousin Vinyl out of obligation and oh ya! I'm sexually attracted to my mother! Like I said, simple life... this is me.


I Am Octavia

Sequel to I Am Fluttershy. Hello there. You'd think that a simple pony like me has a simple life's story right? More or less; most ponies DO have bucked up lives. Where to start? Well, I'm a transy for one thing, a mare trapped in a stallion's body. I married my cousin Vinyl out of obligation and oh ya! I'm sexually attracted to my mother! Like I said, simple life's story... This is me.

***Disclaimer***

I do not own My Little Pony Friendship is Magic nor do I have any affiliations to it, its producers, or its benefactors and make no money off of this work of fiction. Please support the official release.

***Disclaimer***

This is the sequel to I Am Fluttershy but in all honesty, the two are completely unrelated so you don't need to read the prequel in order to understand this story by any means although I'd recommend it simply because the writing styles are the same and if you like this story then you'll love I Am Fluttershy and vice versa.

also some people were curious as to the inspiration for these stories; essentially I was just really pissed off one night and started thinking up my favorite characters and how fucked up their lives COULD be off screen when the show isn't focused on their personal lives. It's taken a lot of different fan ficitons from some of my favorite writers as well as auto biography confessions online from people talking about their tragic pasts; and finally some personal inspiration from a lot of friends that I've met throughout my life to come up with the material.

For what ever reason a lot of people just seem to open up to me without me needing to pry and I quite often learn some pretty disturbing things about people.

But after a while I came to the realization that it isn't really all that weird or unusual; the sad truth is that our world is just really, really, really fucked up! I mean, do you have any idea how many therapists, psychiatrists, and psychologists there are in America alone?! Anyway, these stories are a way of me expressing our fucked up society as human beings; because in truth, we're a pretty messed up species and most of the major problems in our lives we've created ourselves, maybe not individually but definitely as a whole.

Anyway; I basically took my critique of the average human being's messed up life and splayed it out in my favorite characters because the sad truth is that these disturbing life experiences are morbidly common. When you look at the person sitting next to you, you're probably looking at a rape victim, or a murderer, or transsexual going through a midlife crisis. It's sad but our society is just filled with mentally disturbed people, crime, prejudice, bigotry, hypocrisy, and... strength.

Because for all our faults, we soldier on. Why? Because that's the only choice. Well, that or suicide but I don't personally recomend that. Anyway; Humans, for all their negative attributes, are amazing creatures, we have the one true Element of Harmony within all of us: Willpower. Because no matter what tragedies we encounter, no matter what horrors we're faced to experience, we can overcome because we are creatures of sheer Will. It has saved people on the verge of death and helped traumatized teens fight through bullying and depression. Willpower helps us overcome, helps us move forward, and above all; it is the ultimate trademark of Humanity; the will to live, the will to continue and move one, the will to believe in a brighter tomorrow. So whenever someone tells you you're being a stubborn ass tell them to go fuck themselves because being stubborn is being Human. Being stubborn is embodying will, it's the manifestation of determination towards a given goal.

For all our faults, Humans are beautiful strong creatures capable of so much we don't even realize it. We've built cities of steel and man made stone stretching above the heavens, we've forced the raw power of nature to work for us as fuel sources; we've constantly seen the threat of extinction in world wars and world catastrophes, but we always manage to just barely crawl away covered in scars. We're stubborn like that.

And the show of My Little Pony Friendship is Magic isn't a depiction of what we could be or what we want to be, it's the embodiment of what we are. Think back on your entire life and you'll see countless memories of when you've been a Loyal friend or Honestly admitted to something wrong you'd done or Generously given something away to help someone else or Laughed off a bad experience with a friend or simply opened your heart in Kindness to a stranger.

The real Magic of friendship is the Human Spirit, the love for all creatures that every human being is capable of. Because we are beautiful creatures, we're capable of so much, we can be so good. And the amazing thing is that DESPITE all the horrors of our world, despite the wars and racism and homophobia and school shootings and destroyed childhoods, we are still capable of being so wonderfully humanely human.

So don't let anyone ever tell you that you're worthless; you are special, your a Human Being and your every bit as important as Twilight or Rarity, or Fluttershy, or Rainbow Dash, or Applejack, or Pinkie Pie.

So the I Am Series despite the dark scenarios and topics it breaches is really just a reflection of Humanity and it's ability to soldier on and find happiness despite all the bullshit we have to put up with.

Because with Time and Pressure, you can wear down anything, with sheer asinine stubbornness; the universe will eventually throw you a bone just to shut your yapping mouth up.

Never forget how special you are, and never forget how wonderful life is; even if you only aspire towards having an easy simple life in an apartment with a decent job that pays the bills; as long as you can find contentment then you've done all that you need to. You don't need a giant mansion or a white picket fence to win in the game of life; there is no game, there's just you making a living, and as long as you can do that; then you can be proud of yourself.

So here's to Humanity, Soldier On.

***********************warning****************

Clop.

Swearing.

Disturbing Imagery.

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Chapter One, Octive and Octavia

-What defines our gender? The sex between our legs? Our mental state of mind? Personal choice? What other ponies tell us we are? What defines who we are?- excerpt from the secret book of Bemnal the Fallen

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SONO CRYSTAL TR21 BOOTED BEGIN RECORDING

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Hello, my name is Octavia. Or rather, that's the name I've chosen for myself. What really defines a name anyhow? Is what your called at birth what defines you?

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The name I was born with was... Octave. I was born a colt; small thing. My mom named me Octave. Oh mother...

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What kind of a relationship do you have with your mom? I think on some level no matter what happens we can never truly stop loving our mom. It's just part of our equine nature to love the mare who birthed you unconditionally.

I love my mom a little too much I guess... or at least I love her in some inappropriate ways. Not directly at least, the mother son bond is still there; it'll always be there. But there's also the underlying love underneath, not romantic but... more carnal than anything.

Isn't it strange how we usually seek out mates who remind us of our opposite gender parent? Bit awkward for me considering that i have gender confusion issues; I'm a transsexual, a mare born in a stallion's body. So mom really my opposite gender parent? What defines gender anyway? Is it the horse cock or pair of flaps between your thighs? Is is the actions you take, if your in sports or into dolls? Is it a mental state? Is it your personal identification of one's self?

Or is it a name?

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I didn't like the name I was born with... Octave... a male name; you can always tell what names belong to which gender; there's the underlying tones in them; if they sound more hard in enunciation, more gruff or masculine; or if they feel more soft and gentle. Octave is very gruff. It's very... male. Octavia is so much more feminine, it's gentle and smooth and beautiful.

That's the name I wanted to be born with, Octavia.

When did the gender confusion start...

Well... as far back as I can remember, I was about ooh let's see here... 6 or 7? Kindergarten years to be sure.

Oh gosh I remember the very first day... I got up out of my over sized bed; not too unusual, my parents are both nobels in Canterlot so we had quite a luxurious house; beautiful actually, nice bright silken sheets and tapestries. A kitchen that'd put royalty to shame and the best home theater entertainment system available on the market.

Oh yes indeed, I was a very spoiled little filly... colt... filly... what determines gender...

I think that... perhaps... if I had a different mom... if I had a mother who was... normal for lack of a better term; who never let me continue to breast feed her up to the age of 14, a mom who didn't let me sleep in bed with her instead of my own room half the time, a mother who didn't cuddle me in very intimate ways, a mother who didn't get my stallion hood twitching and excited just thinking about her... maybe I'd have grown up different.

Maybe I wouldn't have as much trouble... I think... it was because of her that I never fully integrated my liberal choice to be a mare. The reason I never got a sex change... the reason I never got mad when she called me Octave even though she knows I hate it.

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I could never bring myself to take away mommy's little colt. I could never do that to her. I could never do anything to hurt her. Even on the days I got so angry at her prejudice I could never get angry at her... I love my mommy...

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So I got up and headed downstairs; I was such a scrawny little thing at the time heh... I ate breakfast... which consisted of nursing from my mom. Is it normal for 6 year old to still be fed from their mother's teats? I don't know. It's not the sort of thing one just asks you know?

So she sprawled herself out on the couch in the living room; oh she's so beautiful. I take after her looks you know. Dark rich brown coat; beautiful charcoal black mane; soft purple eyes. I'm like a little colt clone of her; well, except for the Unicorn horn of course. But other than that, spitting image.

I hopped up onto the couch... or rather I attempted horrible at such an action; my mother laughed and lifted me up with her grey magic and planted my on her stomach as she rolled onto her back. I crawled around on her soft tummy until I was facing those delicious mammaries. I loved laying on her soft belly; she's otherwise in very good shape but has a big sweet tooth leading to an inevitable pot belly, oh but I love that cushion of pudge... so comfy...

I snuggled into it and clamped my mouth around an exposed nipple, I always went for the left one first, don't know why... almost like reading a book left to right...

I heard her coo and sigh from behind me and felt her hoof rubbing my flanks and fiddling with my tail; that always seemed to relax me, not sure why it just did.

Idly I could hear the low volume of some advertisement on TV going; something about a new kind of mane brush with ceramic heating in the bristles or something; actually that sounds nice, I wish I could find that infomercial again... doesn't it suck when you see late night advertisements but you don't have any money on you and when you finally do you're like 'oh I could really use that!' but you don't remember the name of the product or the number and for the life of you you can't find it?

Ya... annoying...

anyway, I finished sucking on my mom's teats and wiped the excess milk from my mouth. Now that I was satisfied and full, I scrambled to get off my mom and get my things but my mom grabbed me before I could scurry away and locked me into a hug; "uh uh ah!" she chided; I reached up immediately and gave a kiss on the lips.

Then I hopped off and rushed into my room. I'd been sort of excited for a long time for it, not sure why. I guess because I could make some more friends; which is funny since I'm so antisocial now a days. But back then? I was the King/Queen of charisma. Or at least I would soon become. At that actual point in time however? Well... I wasn't exactly experienced at making friends.

First day of school went as such:

I got into the carriage with dad since mom had to work early which was a quiet awkward ride. I really don't think my dad likes me...

I can't really ever remember us even having a full conversation actually. I bet he's ashamed of me. How am I supposed to inherite a Lord title when I act like a mare? Oh well, the ride was quiet and awkward and I was glad to be done with it when I finally arrived. Ah yes... boarding school... the rich stuck up high quality super expensive, 'we only except the best of the best-in other words rich- ponies in Equestria' prejudice and bigoted religious boarding school... You know... I killed somepony in this school... well, I'm getting ahead of myself now; right, first day of school...

So, day one was interesting... I entered into the halls and immediately had a sense of de ja vu, you ever have those dreams of certain locations that you've never visited before and suddenly a few years later you walk right into that very location...

Well, anyway... I headed into the somewhat familiar school that I'd never stepped into before and was led by some servants into the classroom... yes... the school actually had servants...

Ah Kindergarten... I'd made a friend relatively quick; his name was Lime, oh Lime, you silly pony... actually he wasn't silly, he was just very aggressive and competitive... reminds me of Rainbow Dash actually...

Anyway; we both had something in common that brought us together... we're mamma's colts.

Five minutes into the school day and both of us began balling like the foals we were. We got our uniforms all dirty and full of tears and snot. Oh yea, Canterlot ponies tend to wear a lot of clothes, I was so shocked the first time I visited Ponyville at all the blatant nudity; oh the look on my face...

Anyway; the teacher got annoyed at our balling and sent us both to the corner; Lime is a yellow -weren't expecting that were you?- colt with green eyes and a white mane styled like one giant soup of a thick continuous strand; he sort of looks like a chicken from time to time but hates it when ponies say that.

We got to talking and both admitted to each other that we were crying because we missed our moms. I'd never been more than a room away from her before; she always brought me with her to work at the Convocation of Mages, she works there as a teacher. Oh and by the way, the mage's tower has the most spectacular fun room for mage's foals you've ever seen. Take those fun rooms from hotels or fast food restaurants where parents stick their foals and multiply it by ohhhh about a thousand. It's HUGE! Seriously, I don't know how parents can find their foals! Of course, my mom always managed to find me with now trouble because she's amazing like that. Welll... she works there as her second job anyway, and that's only because her main job rarely sees any activity...

Um... so what's her main job?

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You know for whatever reason Equestria still does public executions, you know, hanging by a lynch or off with their head type spiel... yes... Equestria still does that... for the really bad criminals...

And uh... my mom...

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Have you ever been scared shitless when somepony told you a secret? Well I damn near pissed myself when I found out that my mom is a...uhh... state executioner... ya... she cuts pone's heads off for a living...

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I don't care who you are, when you learn that your mom decapitates ponies with a headspone's ax as her career that will fucking scar you for life... especially when you're forced to watch on TV during the execution of some real big time criminal that got televised world wide...

So ya... you think YOUR mom is scary... heh...

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Ahem... right.. so... my new friend. We talked for a few minutes and decided that since we didn't have anything better to do we'd may as well be friends. I think the most noteable part of that day was when we went into the lunch room all organized and perfect. They actually expected foals to sit properly in a five start restaurant style lunch room... and for the most part, we did. We weren't dumb, we were trained by our parents and maids and butlers to behave like the 'proper young Lords and Ladies' we were.

It was probably a bizarre sight for anypony not from Canterlot but for me? It was normal. Anyway, we were still expected to bring our trays up after eating and here's the funny part; neither Lime nor I had any idea on what to do; so what did we wind up doing? we through the trays into the trash along with the left over food on them.

Ya... we got in trouble... still; pretty funny you've gotta admit.

So we got in trouble... we ended up in the Principle's office and that's where I met Mint Fresh. I guess you can kind of call him my first coltfriend though I suppose terms like that are questionable where a foalfiddler is concerned.

Now that I think of it; it's almost cliche isn't it? Principle of a religious bigoted super expensive boarding school and surprise! He has a thing for little colts!

Ya, you're probably thinking some fat old ugly guy right? Sorry to disappoint, he's young, very handsome and very slim. His colors remind me a lot of Lyra; actually I later found out that he's her father. Why does she live in Ponyville then? Hmm... anyway, sea green coat, two tone minty mane swirling around his head in an elegant and feminine fashion and of course, those bright golden eyes.

He sighed as he nestled some papers to the side, "I'm afraid I'll be giving each of you a conduction", it's a slip of paper that basically says 'your foal broke the rules, punish them' in all honesty, I think most parents laugh when they look at it; but to a foal that infernal paper might as well be a death warrant.

It's tangible proof that you were a baaaad little filly or coat and you were expected to deliver it to your parents; to be the messenger carrying your own execution orders.

But all exaderation aside, we were released from the office with the Conduction. Now at this time I was still below Mint's notice; the whole foal molesting thing wouldn't happen for a couple years yet and by then we'd already be very well acquainted... turns out I really like breaking the rules. Mom actually got a document shredder... that's how many Conductions I was bringing home a week... that's sad...

Anyway, so then I went to Foal's Stop. it's a little after school program that foals go to who's parents are still busy elsewhere. Mom works until at least 5 Pm so I had to sit around. Lime's mother picked him up and he eagerly hopped into her forelegs telling her all about his day.

It made me jealous... I wanted my mom to come get me... instead I was stuck in this stupid roo- oh look video games! And soon I was completely content and happily occupied! Afterwards the day started to get late and all's that was left to do was hang out with the remaining foals... or rather fillies...

That's when it started I think; I walked over and sat with them; we started talking and I felt strangely comfortable around them. Weird since normally I don't really like to hang out with anypony. But around these fillies... I felt so natural; we played with the doll house, we broke into the make up case meant for older ponies and even did each other's manes up.

I think that's when I first started paying attention to the difference in gender mannerisms.

Eventually 5 PM rolled around and my mom came to pick me up. Imagine her shock when she saw me with my mane done up in the feminine style that I wear now, the same that my mom has; face dolled up with pretty make up and wearing a pink and white frilly dress along with the other fillies.

I gave a big stupid grin, "HI MOM!" I cried innocently. My mom burst out with laughter. She thought I just didn't know any better; I was brought home and she washed all the make up off whereupon we had our first of many talks over masculinity.

"Oh honey, you don't do stuff like that." she cooed as she frazzled out my mane into it's natural frazzled coltish style.

"Do stuff like what?" I asked curiously. I honestly had no idea what she was referring to; I'd never known about gender specific activities before so imagine my shock when I heard the next words out of her mouth.

"Stuff like dressing up pretty and using make up and playing with dolls are all for fillies honey... you're a colt." she responded with that smile that parents have; you know, the one that's supposed to be comforting but just makes you feel like the worst child in the world.

I frowned and scuffed a hoof at the ground, "but I like it..."

My mom frowned right back, which only made me feel worse. "Octave... you are a colt... plain and simple. I don't want to see you doing filly stuff again understand?"

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"Octave..."

"Ya... OK..."

"Good!" she scooped me up into a hug. I was still angry but that was soon forgotten as she snuggled me and kissed my head.

Dinner went as usual, dad came home late, said a few words, and went to sleep; I always found it strange how they sleept in different rooms... OH well, easier for me to sneak into mom's room when I can't sleep. Which, that night I couldn't I kept thinking about the fillies and dressing up and being girly; I tossed and turned and got really annoyed.

So eventually I hopped out of my bed and using my amazing ninja skills I made my way towards my mom's room. And by that I mean that I tripped three times in the dark; slammed into two walls and almost got stepped on by one of the maids who grumbled and simply led me to mom's room.

Yep... sneaky ninja skills... I trotted up to my mom's bed and scrambled to reach the top of it... and failed horrible. I was so scrawny at the time there's no way I would have made it; so instead I woke my mom up with loud whispers; she lifted me up with her magic grumbling the whole while. I don't think she was too happy about being woken up; but upon feeling me snuggle up to her I guess she forgot because she went right into Mommy Cocoon Mode as I came to call it.

Her forelegs wrapped around my torso, her hind legs covered my entire lower body and her tail curled up over my back and her face dipped down over my head; I was then completely encased her her body. I can't tell you how comfortable that position is; it's like being in the womb again, mommy's all around me, warm and soft... breathing calmly, her heart beating in her chest against her face and her hot breath on the back of my head running down my neck; I sighed happily and was unconscious within seconds.

The next couple of days went by in that fashion; I tried out lots of different kinds of different 'girly' things that I saw the other fillies in the class perform. I think the day when it really started to get significant was when we took writing class; you see, in the boarding school I went to we were referred to by numbers for the first few months, but then came the new data base organized through student names.

And as I sat there in my desk staring at the blank paper... I don't know... something in me just took over, some splotch of inspiration that I had no control over and I thought about my name; Octave, so male and gruff. I didn't like it, I wanted to write something else. But what to write? What kind of name would sound normal but... well.. feminine...

I ran the various names I'd encountered through my head until at last I settled on something I like.

"Octavia" I wrote down. What I didn't know was that the name I had written down would be cataloged as my official name for the rest of my school life. Ramifications? Big time.

Grades came in, mom saw 'Octavia' written as my name and boom, I was grounded for a month.

When it got really bad was when I'd taken some of my allowance and purchased a few dresses and some make up of my own. Mom still got mad at me whenever she saw my mane in the same style as hers; I got away with it saying that her mane is so pretty and I just wanted to show it off to my friends.

Aaaaand then my dad walked in on me playing pretty little princess...

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I'm sure you can guess what happened next; spanking, yelling, degrading name calling 'no son of mine is going to be a faggot' and finally throwing me out of my room into the living room in front of my mother. The look on her face was worse then the stinging pain on my rump and the emotional damage from my father's words combined; just that look... of disappointment.

I felt like rubbish...

Mom walked over to me and I winced away as she reached out her hoof; but she didn't hit me, she just patted my head, "oh honey... it's OK..."

And then she said something that took a major toll on my psyche, "you don't know any better."

I blinked... I felt a strange blend of emotions... I was happy that I wasn't in trouble for sure... I was confused at the words; they didn't make any sense to me at the time. But then... kids rarely understand such profound sentences at that age.

But hey... at least I wasn't in trouble anymore... aaaand then my dad started yelling, "Well he damn well should know better!" and so began the bigoted rant that ended with him raising his hoof to hit me; it never landed, my mom stepped between us shoved a hoof into his throat pressing him against the wall.

"Hurt him again and you won't see the sun rise tomorrow." I think I pissed myself when I heard her say that. Just the tone of her voice was terrifying; doubly so considering her day job. Dad shoved her away and grumbled to himself as he left the house slamming the door behind him.

And of course comes the foalhood instinct to think everything's your fault and break down crying; My mom picked my sorry sobbing excuse for a self up and snuggled me close and began the first of many creepy-sweet-inappropriately-intimate tangents.

"Honey... you're mamma's little colt OK? Don't ever forget that." she good as she brushed my head and nuzzled me.

"...OK mama..." I said if only to appease her.

My mother nibbled on my ear and I giggled at the sensation; "who's mamma's special little colt?"

"I am!" I giggled in response.

She laughed with me and kissed my lips; taking a few moments to stick her tongue out and lap at my snout, the strange sensation causing me to sneeze; she laughed peppered my head and face in kisses; "you're mamma's... perfect... little colt... and you won't ever leave mamma will you?"

I shook my head fervently, "uh uh! Never!"

So adorable from a certain perspective; but really, looking back on it in an abstract form... it was probably a little disconcerting how she kept rubbing my flank and smiling at me like a serpent about to engulf a rabbit. Not to mention her heavy breathing and licking her lips.

Eventually she brought me into her room and we both snuggled into bed; my anger and shame completely forgotten as mom pushed be down until most of my body was encased in her hind legs with my mouth level to her teats. Realizing that I was actually rather thirsty, I clamped my mouth onto a nipple and had myself a nice drink. My mom cooed and rubbed the back of my head whispering 'my beautiful little colt' over and over.

I didn't realizse what it was at the time but I could feel the hot wetness from her marehood permeating onto my chest; I liked it, warm and snugly and comfortable and more than a little bit familiar. Familiarity... with the womb I would guess...

And eventually I dozed off, the day's events entirely forgotten.

Well; speaking of sleep I'm rather tuckered out. I'll continue tomorrow. The bizarre events of my life have yet to begin in all honesty, this was just the prelude.

Vinyl is most likely waiting for me; oh yes... perhaps that would be a good place to start tomorrow... the day I met her in first grade...

Well, for another time then. Good night.

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IMPRINT SUCCESSFUL SONO CRYSTAL TR21 SHUTTING DOWN


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